Tip of the week 8/12/99
Keeping your COOL!
The call came in like this…
“Juvenile caller on 911 reports an adult neighbor is choking his 15-year old friend in front of the location, only additional information is dispute was prompted by music the juvenile was playing, unknown if weapons are involved.”
I was stopped at a red light and my mind started working. What’s the big picture here? What would prompt an adult to get into a physical fight with a 15-year old? Was the adult intoxicated? Was it another disrespectful kid who pushed the adult over the edge by provoking him?
I arrived at the house to find three 15-year old kids sitting in front of a house. No adult was in sight. As I started to wonder if this was a prank call the kids approached me and said that the responsible had gone to his house across the street. As I looked in the direction of the house, this big guy, about 6 ft and 240 lbs began walking towards me.
After 30 minutes of getting statements from the involved parties and a few witnesses, this is what had taken place at 3 in the afternoon.
The adult was across the street inside his home relaxing with his wife and kids.
The family hears someone yelling at the top of their lungs. Yelling words of obscenities
that were sexually explicit and vulgar.
The adult tried turning up his stereo to drown out the yelling but the yelling could still be heard.
The adult went to his front porch and saw 3 kids at the house a half block down. One of the kids, who appeared to be the one yelling, was dancing around on the porch. The obscenities continued which the adult found to be offensive, and he yelled to the kids to “knock it off”.
Two of the kids went into the house. The one yelling took headphones off of his head and raised both arms up in a questioning manner and yelled to the adult, “What the F _ _ K?
The adult again yelled at the kid to shut up to which the kid responded with more F this and F that.
The adult got the impression that the kid wasn’t getting the message so he started walking across the street to let the kid know he was serious. Instead of running into the house as expected, the 15-year old picked up a shovel and threw it in the direction of the adult yelling threats to “bring it on”.
Although the adult was nowhere near where the shovel landed, he went to the front of the kid’s house and told the kid that he should have some respect and to quit the vulgar language. In a total act of disrespect, the kid put the stereo headphones back on while the adult was talking to him and began “singing along” to the rap song he was listening to, which ended up being the source of the vulgarities and obscenities that the adult had first heard.
With the kid yelling (singing) offensive words directly in front of him, the adult went up onto the front porch approaching the kid. The kid started with the challenging motions with his arms again and started in with F-this and F-that.
The adult picked the kid up BY THE THROAT with one hand, and with the other, slapped the headphones off the kid’s head. The kid, now very afraid, began using the F-word in shock and fright, which infuriated the adult even more. (Funny how that one little word can be used in so many ways…)
The adult dropped the choking kid to the ground and then grabbed him by his head in a headlock and threw him inside the front door of the house. Before some of you start applauding, you have to think about the reality here.
This 250-pound guy standing over 6 feet tall, physically placed his hands on a 15-year old scrawny kid and inflicted violence. Regardless of the fact that this kid was a disrespectful punk and had it coming, no Jury in the world is going to understand how a grown man picked this kid up by the throat.
This guy put me in the position of having to place him under arrest in front of his wife and kids. While he was handcuffed in the back of my patrol car I looked back at him and asked one question. “What the hell were you thinking?”
The guy looked at me and stared, and feebly said “I don’t know, I really don’t know what happened, I just snapped”.
That kind of snapping can get you thrown in jail, and possibly for a long time.
That kind of snapping could have seriously injured the kid, whether he deserved it or not.
That kind of snapping instantly made a relaxing afternoon at home to a terrorizing hour of being in handcuffs wondering what your future now holds.
That kind of snapping ends up in civil court where 6 months in jail are NOTHING compared to the financial damages a jury could award to the kids family. (Remember the expensive cup of hot coffee that someone sued Macdonalds for, and won? You don’t think a jury would be shocked by the adults actions and settle accordingly?)
What we’re talking here is the same thing that happens on the road, every day, every hour. It’s called Road Rage. The one word linking these two types of incidents together is RAGE.
When someone cuts me off on the road when I’m off duty I get pissed off like the next guy. But I also know how many nuts are out there and many of those nuts have guns. It’s not worth it to me to have to explain to my department how I ended up getting in a shootout with a guy who…
Cut me off,
I flip him off,
He pulls a gun,
I pull my service gun and badge,
He tries to get away,
I catch him,
and who knows what can happen…..
As compared to
I ignore him and don’t give him the attention he is seeking
I make a mental note of the description of the car
I try to get the license plate
and I call it in to CHP on my cellular phone for “info only”
One way is much easier than the other. I make my choices, you have to make yours. If you get sucked into road rage you risk getting arrested for getting into a fight, or worse, you suffer the chance of getting shot, stabbed, or run over by the other party. Folks, the days of 2 guys having a beef and rolling up their sleeves to “duke it out” are long gone.
If you find yourself in the same position as the adult in this very TRUE case, or if you find yourself in a road rage type situation, CALL US and let us handle it. You pay us with your tax dollars to keep the peace and to take care of the riff raff in society.
If the adult neighbor had called us, I would have contacted the kids and then contacted a parent and demanded that the activity stop, or lay a whopping ticket on the kid for violating the city noise ordinance where we can legally “fine the parents” for cost involved in abating the problem.
If I had been the kid in this case showing any disrespect towards an adult, the only person who would have picked me up by the throat would have been my Dad after having learned from a Cop what disrespect I had shown a neighbor.
Oh but wait, that was something missing in this scenario, “Dear old Dad.”
I asked the kid, where are your parents?
The kid said “I live with my Dad, my Mom and him are divorced.”
OK, where’s your Dad?
He’s out on the Delta with his boat.
Why aren’t you with him?
I don’t know.
Does he leave you alone often?
hesitates and says, Yeah pretty much.
Does he have a pager or cell phone?
Yeah, kid gives me the number.
I page the father 3 times followed by 911, but I guess dear old DAD was having too good a time playing out on the river instead of being accessible to his kid.
Here’s a note to my own Dad.
Dad,
Thanks for always taking Mark and I with you out on the boat. Thanks for teaching me how to fish, and bait a hook. Thanks for teaching me how to clean a fish. Thanks for teaching us how to drive the boat. Thanks for always taking us water skiing and camping, and for spending all your time with us. Thanks for showing us that we mean everything to you and that we are important to you. Thanks for teaching us to respect others and to be responsible for our actions. Because of the morals and ethics you gave us, we didn’t turn out to be disrespectful little punks mirroring what we see on T.V.
Thanks for being there for us. Out of the deal you got 2 kids who turned out to be cops, who appreciate every minute you spend with us. You get the satisfaction of looking at us, and knowing “You did it all RIGHT!”
Back to business.
DON’T take matters into your own hands.
DON’T let some idiot entice you into a fight that can have grave circumstances.
DO follow the words of one of my supervisors who has my total respect…
“You have to Pick the hill to die on”
meaning,
There may come a time in your life where you have to decide to put it all on the line. To fight for what you believe in, even at the risk of losing everything. The ultimate battle. If you put everything at stake on an unimportant hill, you gain nothing. A crucial hill to fight for, one that will make or break the war, is the one to concentrate on and if you plan your life right, you’ll never have to “Pick the hill to die on” in the first place.
This call with the kid and the neighbor? Was that a hill to die on? Or could the guy have called us and had us take care of the problem instantly. To us it was a little hill. One we deal with all the time. The neighbor made it “His hill to die on” and in the long run he died. He lost. Big time.
He could have charges filed against him by the district attorney’s office.
He could do jail time.
He could have a criminal record.
He could lose his house in a civil lawsuit.
All for what? A 15-year old punk singing rap songs.
A little hill. A very little and unimportant hill.
Not the one to die on.
Think about it.
Jim Lambert
and Hey! Stay Safe out there!
